Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
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MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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