At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
