I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
