none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
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