Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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