So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
