whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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