I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
