There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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