He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
