i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
