Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
