Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
