i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
