she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
