I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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