we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
this will be a night to untag.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
