My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
