Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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