and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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