No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
