i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
