sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I lost the right to judge tonight
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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