Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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