It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
