I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
