Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
