You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
