was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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