He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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