Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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