Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
