So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
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i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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