I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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