your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
