Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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