I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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