Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
