I got chris browned last night
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions