I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
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We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.