It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
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T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...