party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy