i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks