Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
