Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag

(817): View more from Texas

could you get any more awkward?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.

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(514): View more from Quebec

Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.

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(313): View more from Michigan

These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(845): View more from New York

he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.

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(530): View more from California

I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me

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(714): View more from California

For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.

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(512): View more from Texas

like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies

(210): View more from Texas

THE END IS NEIGH

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.

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