Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
