I'm jealous of your bromance
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
