what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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