cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
