Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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