3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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