It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
