So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
