it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
