Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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