I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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