So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
