If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
