we have pet lesbian snakes
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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