He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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