I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
