Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
