I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Randomize
