god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
