I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
