Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
