Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
