I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Holy shit dude........stairs
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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