Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
