They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just want nice things and good sex
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
