Your face is a jimmy john
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
