I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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