How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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