He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
