I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
