you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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